More About Me

So, on the subject of life and it's randomness... I have overcome several things in my life. First off, when I was a kid, we were poor. And no, I don't mean poor like we couldn't afford nice clothes poor, but more like we had toast with sugar and milk for breakfast because we couldn't afford to buy cereal, and sometimes there was nothing. THAT kind of poor. Second, I have food allergies that I was unaware of until I was 25, which were adversely affecting my life for years. Third, I was completely unready to have children. Fourth, I lost a lot of weight a few years ago. I mean not like 30 or 40 pounds, but like 85 pounds. More on the weight loss later.

Not that this makes me special or anything, I know lots of people have had it much worse than I have, this is not about poor me. This is about rising above that attitude and trying my best to be the best me I can be, no matter what. And that is a big part of why I am here writing this stuff down some place.

So, about those allergies, right? In my house we follow a pretty ridiculous diet. Lots of people say how can you do that? Isn't it hard? Well yes, but it's not just a diet, it's a matter of health. Not only that, if you do it long enough it becomes a life style. We (meaning my kids and I) don't eat dairy, gluten, soy, or corn. Really. And mostly we don't eat tomatoes, either. Now, even this could be worse and I know it, I've heard stories about people with about 25 more allergies than that. So in essence, we are lucky not to have it worse. And the good news is that learning about food is part of what helped me lose all that weight. Had I not done something, I probably would not be anywhere near as healthy as I am. And nowhere near as mentally stable either.

Mental stability, you say. Yep. I have been through some of the worse depression, anxiety, social phobias... not that I'm perfect now, but at least I am completely aware of myself, which I used to not even want to be. I know what my triggers are, I know how to avoid depression and anxiety... still got the social phobia going on, but not as bad at all as it used to be. At least I can joke with the checkers at the grocery store without blushing and wanting to disappear, and I can go out in public without freaking out and having an anxiety attack. Because that is who I used to be, not who I am now.

When my son was born, I was still dealing with the anxiety and depression. In fact, that carried right over until I got over the postpartum depression I had after my daughter was born almost two years later. I call it postpartum depression, but having done some research it was really probably postpartum psychosis. I was not a happy camper, you could say. And I was completely unprepared for the demands placed on me in my life, by my kids, family, and society. And the husband. Life didn't really get better until 2010, four years after my son was born, when my cousin looked at me and went hey, do you know how messed up your relationship is? Is this what you want your kids growing up with? And I realized that no, in fact, this was not what I wanted. So here I am today, six months past the beginning of the separation, feeling like myself again. FINALLY. And that is why I started this blog. Just to have a place to pour all this out. :)