Being There

Okay, sometimes being a single parent sucks. Like when it comes time to take the trash out and needing to remember to put the trash cans out on garbage day so we don't end up with the overflowing crammed in mountain o' trash. But, if I don't do it, no one will. So that was my job this morning. But at least it's over now, and I'll just need to remember to roll the cans back to the side of the driveway later on, when I go to meet the boy child's school bus. Yay.

And then, other times being a single parent sucks even worse, like when my kids tell me they miss their Dad. What am I supposed to say to that, anyway? Sorry, he doesn't live here anymore. I don't WANT him to live here anymore. He and I don't want to be around each other anymore. He doesn't have time for you. He thinks school is more important than being there for you. He and I don't get along very well. I know none of these is really appropriate to tell a 4 year old or an almost 6 year old. There are no good excuses for not being there for your kids. Granted, I don't want him in my house all the time, but he makes very little effort to see the kids anywhere else, and believe me I would welcome the break if he wanted to spend some time with them. I have in fact asked him to spend time with the girl child, one on one, and give me time to work, and that has yet to actually occur. What's up with that? He has time to volunteer in the boy child's class but no time to spend with her? How is she going to view that when she gets older and realizes how unfair it is? *sigh* I guess I don't know and I'll deal with that when we get there.

Plenty of other times that being the parent sucks too. Like when I realize I am the only one doing anything for them. When I realize how much I have put my own life on hold to care for these children I wasn't even ready to have. When I realize how much I have missed of my own life because someone was crying or puking or just wouldn't sleep. But the good news is, that is mostly done at this point, both of the kids sleep better without Dad in the house than they ever did WITH him here, and that should tell you something about the state of our relationship and the level of tension we all lived with for a long time. Better now, though at what expense?

So, on the upside, things are better. Everyone sleeps better, kids get along better, WE all get along better most of the time. Kids are learning that I make all the rules and they are not negotiable, rather than trying to cope with living with multiple sets of rules, the Mom rules and the Dad rules, going back and forth every day. That was no fun. According to him I am both too nice and too harsh, too easy and too mean, I let them get away with too much and I also don't let them have fun. Whatever. I have simply realized that I must pick my battles, and some things are not worth fighting over. And some things are damn well mandatory. Being there? THAT is mandatory.